| Hi |
[11 Apr 2008|08:39pm] |
< did it again. oops. here's a kinda update on whats goin on with me.
I.
still with the same company, been there one whole year, go me for staying in the game. im still managing the cash flow. its pretty neat, but has proven to be stressful at times due to shit always changing and evolving. good for company, stressful for people. and i stress out real easy at work anyway.
i still am torn between two worlds, as i still model and produce/direct my own shit, but unfortunately that takes a back burner to the day job. i know i could make two to three times what i make if i went full time but i would probably get sick of it-- plus i would become a hermit with only pornstar friends and thats probably not healthy.
II.
i bought a house. yep i did. it happened pretty fast, and it's in my name, on my credit and everything! of course i needed my dad for a co-borrower since my employment was too short. but yeah, i am a homeowner and me and john are pretty happy in our home. it's nice and spacious 1720 sq feet 3/2 on about an acre with some pine trees in back and all on one side. we have neighbors on one side and across the street. turns out a coworker of mine lives like 2 houses away too. its a really quiet and nice country neighborhood. only prob ive ever had is some dogs that roam around, and fire ants in my yard. like lots and lots of them and when you poison them they just move a few feet over and rebuild.
my view out back is trees, a pasture and a pond with some distant houses. :) really peaceful to just chill outside and garden. (im totally gardening my ass off btw, it rocks)
milo the kitty seems really happy here.
III.
I've gone through two trying times since I updated last...but I made it through and I'd like to think I'm a stronger and better person because of the bad that transpired. I'm trying to be happier and find fulfilment in my life, and I'm trying to project some kind of goodness/karma out instead of being so negative and self-centered. It's tough but I'm in counseling and I'm trying.
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| Wow, it's been so long... |
[30 Nov 2007|10:10pm] |
But not a lot has really been going on I guess, except apparently I got out of the habit of writing. It's really sad. I used to write all the time. I need to re-find myself, because I have lost some of my creative spark somewhere along the way.
I got a promotion in July and I am now in the Treasury Department of the company. My title is Cash Management and it's pretty much that, calculating and transferring massive amounts of monies. It's freakin cool. My boss can be a prick though at times, which is annoying. But other than that it's pretty sweet and I got a hefty raise for doing well and taking on responsibility. I'm not sure long-term where I see myself career-wise, but for now I think this is a great gig...loads of in-demand skills/experience.
That's pretty much all I got going on in my life, work I mean. I don't model that much anymore, just occasionally. We went to the Texas Hill Country about a month ago to a photo shoot get-together with some other couples, and we regulary get together with the same group of people. What was my main job/money-maker has turned into more of a side hobby/extra income. Which is good and bad, good because I don't risk getting burned out, but bad because I hardly have time/energy to do the type of creative work I really enjoy. I have a good idea for a holiday-themed shoot though I'm going to do. :D Involving being tied up with christmas lights...and a pervy Santa Claus. LOL :D Throw in some colored light lenses and a funky background and it's goin to be WEIRD (in a good way).
I do miss modeling...it was fun and easy money. I plan to get more into it in a couple of years after I buy a house. And titties.
I love the word TITTIES. don't you? I do. It's fun. C'mon, say it. TITTIES. Now say it like you love it- TITTIES!!!
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| weird |
[04 Jul 2007|09:32pm] |
I have been feeling rather...antsy and spontaneous today, my first day off in like forever, and my boredom led to this...
I like it (the pink) but I don't know what I was thinking. I work in a corporate office. Shit... my bosses aren't gonna like it.
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| My Little Pony peeps, need your help. |
[04 Jul 2007|05:14pm] |
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I'm looking for an artist who does cute My Little Pony drawings/graphics and has some stuff posted on the internet that I could look at... I wanna find someone to draw me a flying windy/summer wing pixie style pony for a tattoo!
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| YUM |
[22 Jun 2007|05:59pm] |
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djarum black cappucciono clove ciggies are SOOO DELICIOUS.
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| My life in a nutshell! |
[16 Jun 2007|11:46pm] |
So I'm a little fucked up and wanting to talk but have no one who cares to listen. Mostly because I have alienated myself from former friends and my husband well, he's a man, and doesn't like talking much. It seems like everything is going good right now. But of course I have to nit pick and find things that I want to change. But overall, I mean, my job is good. I got hired to do an important aspect of accounts receivable, and I like having some responsibility and getting different little projects to work on. It makes me feel like I have a purpose, which boosts my self esteem. I like using my brain and being all organizational (not a word?). I don't like the pay, but I'm willing to sacrifice that for a job I like to do for a decent company. Le porno income and hubby paying the bills makes it possible, thankfully.
Can't remember if I wrote about this before or not, but my grandma is really sick with throat cancer. She is trying to recover from chemotherapy before they surgically remove the cancerous growth. My parents may have to take care of her while my aunt and uncle are gone to california. I'm kinda sad, because my grandmother was always so healthy and opinionated but now she's fragile and very sick, and I haven't seen her in a couple of years. She's my only grandparent still alive, but I know she is aging and may have to let go of that soon.
My marriage is meh, it's ok but sometimes difficult. I dunno. I can't really talk openly about it because I don't want to start any shit... but I am seriously thinking about moving in with my parents for awhile (or longer). I'm afraid of everyone thinking "YOU FAILED" but I need to do what is best for me ultimately. I love him soooo much. That is what is so difficult!
I am thinking about going to Dallas in a month then Mexico sometime next year for photoshoot parties. But other than that things are boring and monotonous. I need to get a life, seriously. It seems i haven't really connected with anyone at work, somewhat with K but thats it. Everyone else seems SO DUMB. K is cool though, we have the same sense of humor.
I'm still penny pinching and saving saving for land money. I want my own place so bad. Thats all. adios.
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[02 Jun 2007|12:15pm] |
| You scored as Hedonism, Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life’s pleasures as much as you can.
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!”
More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
Hedonism | | 100% | Strong Egoism | | 90% | Justice (Fairness) | | 75% | Existentialism | | 70% | Utilitarianism | | 45% | Apathy | | 20% | Divine Command | | 20% | Nihilism | | 20% | Kantianism | | 15% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| wine weekend |
[25 May 2007|06:31pm] |
Tonight having a california riesling with a light meal... its super sweet, way more than I expected. It's tasty though, I like it! It would be great all by itself.
Tomorrow night I'm trying Shianti. Never tried it before either....bought a semi expensive bottle for me, so we'll see!
Yeah, I decided to get out of my white zinfandel gutter and be adventurous. The grocery store right by my apt has a huge selection so I'll never get bored!
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| WHY? |
[18 May 2007|09:09pm] |
Evan Rachel Woods and Marilyn Manson as a couple must be a publicity stunt. At least that is what I prefer to believe, whether it's true or not. I'm sorry but she is drop dead fucking gorgeous and 19, why would she want to be with an old dick like him? I mean, the guy's music is good I guess, but he is a weirdo hollywood jackass just like any other celeb.
Ohhh Evan...why don't you just come to your senses and realize that I'm the perfect one for you? Would we not make the most hottest couple ever?
Anywaaaaaay despite that I'm stoked about the Bronte movie.
Oh yeh, gots my wheels and tires on my car now. THEY ROCK. Pics later.
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| Quick update. |
[15 May 2007|12:22pm] |
Got hired on! I'm happy about it cause I like the company and the people I work with a lot. Only downside is the pay sucks but it is definitely a stepping stone. I've been there for over 3 months as a temp and I'm pretty happy that I get to stay permanently. I will be doing a different job, but it is still AR so it will just be something new to learn how to do. I start that on Monday, I'm still doing my regular stuff this week. My manager is preggo and she's been in a really good mood lately which is good. I am just really happy with everything for the moment, for once. Even if I am getting paid less than what I'm worth ^_~ I am not going to pass up applying for city jobs though, if a good one comes up. They pay so well!
Umm ordered my wheels and tires and I should have them on Saturday, I'm SOOO excited. YAYYYYYYYYY but oh noes, I'm really broke now.
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| Ramblings of a tired white woman |
[10 May 2007|05:37pm] |
Nothing has been going on with me lately, just working. Saving up for shit. Thats it really. Borrring yeah. But at least I am getting some SEXY FUCKING HOT MOTHERFUCKING wheels next week plus some AWE$OME kickass tires. I'm not even kidding you, I am spending almost as much as a boob job for these new wheels and tires. Hey I'd take a boob job but I can't take off work so I went with wheels. :)
I have another month before I will go onto my company's payroll and off the personnel service's payroll. Good. Then I get paid holidays and can start my 401k and all that jazz.
So yeah I like my job its entry level shit but that means easy and no responsibility which sounds good for right now. I want to go back to school for a degree in business like super bad... but how can I afford that or find time to ? I could afford the jr college and get an associate degree, but I really don't think that in this day that is worth a crap to anybody. So I dunno. I'm trying to save up for house/land so its tough to find extra money.
I've got like, 2 more years till I can buy a house! gaaaaaaaah
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| yep |
[10 May 2007|05:35pm] |
| You Should Drive a Red Car | 
You're the type of driver who isn't afraid to be the fastest on the road.
You have a lot of energy built up, and you tend to get your adrenaline fix from driving.
Moving at hyper speed, you tend to be annoyed with slow drivers and slow people.
Life's too short to be slowed down by someone else! |
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[04 May 2007|04:39am] |
So things are good I guess. They're tolerable. Satisfactory. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm a really different person than what I used to be but I'm not sure if it is for the better or worse or even if it makes a difference. I don't know if it is living in Lufkin, my boring job, my marriage, or a combination. I miss lib arts school and that excitement I felt in college. I'm wanting to go back to school to get a business degree, something more marketable. But its so expensive that it will set me back majorly from getting a house, so I don't know. Maybe later.
My life sucks and I just feel like I'm wasting away my twenties. What the hell am I supposed to be doing?
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| PonyIsland. |
[24 Mar 2007|11:05pm] |
I forgot about ponyisland for a couple of months, woops. So all my ponies are dead, like 70 of them, a lot of highly desirable flutters at that. Anywho, I don't want to ressurrect them because I don't play the stinkin game anymore. It's a shame for so many desirable starters to just be dead, but what good are they to me? I have like a buttload of scrolls but I think I will just sell them, unless anyone on my lj friends list would like me to ressurect anything, I will and you can just send me a couple of dollars on PP or something. I think you can just search for dead ponies under my username- morningmist83. I'm selling accounts, items, and pg because it has been sitting there for like months serving no purpose. It's not that I am too busy to play, it's that I didn't like the game anymore so I quit playing or even visiting the site. But really if anyone on my lj list wants everything I'll cut you a hell of a deal so I don't have to bother selling stuff to different people. I have:
250,000 pg
oceanmist83 account good till 5-30 w/ 5 BP and 3 items in inventory, castle
valleymist83 account good till 7-31 w/ 5 BP
5 scrolls
all items in morningmist83 inventory
Don't be shy though, really I will give it to you very cheap.
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| Ah this is nice. |
[28 Feb 2007|01:45pm] |
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Last night I thought I was coming down with the stomach flu. I puked and diarreah'd and felt pretty crappy. My stomach was in knots and it was hard to go to sleep, and I kinda planned on calling in sick this morning, which I did. But now I feel better since I slept until 12 (oh yes, 11 hours of sleep ROCKS) and I feel all rested and my stomach doesn't hurt now. So I get like, half a day to myself! wooo!!
I feel a small (very tiny) amount of guilt since today is the last day of the month and it's close out day.... OH WELL! I don't think I would have made a huge amount of difference anyhow, and I don't really give a poop.
Yeah so I've been at this job for awhile now, like 3 or 4 weeks I don't remember, and I don't like it any more or any less than I did when I started. It is kinda just one of those things where you go and do what you are supposed to, just to get your paycheck. I don't hate it, don't get me wrong. It is okay, and the people are really nice. So I'll deal with it. I just need something to put on my resume honestly. But when the job is over in a few weeks I am taking a month or so break to work independently.
I sit here and think about how those 40 hour week paychecks equal like 5 hours of what I can make entertaining. I guess for me it is all about pleasing other people, and doing what society deems as proper. :/ I wish I had the balls to just live my life like I wanted, but I worry so much about looking a certain way to the community and my family.
Not so much the community, but my family...I want them to be proud of me and they would not be proud of me shaking ass for the mens. I think I have a decent solution, to work a day job part time and entertain & model the rest of the time. Could make nice money that way and keep the wool over society's prying eyes. I don't plan on living off my looks so to speak, by any means, only for a couple more years while I still look okay, LOL.
My dream...it is to own my own land and build my own house. It will happen soon too. Things are beginning to happen. And John will be there by my side. He is so sweet. He is in Virginia right now and coming back tomorrow night. I can't wait to see him :) It has only been like 3 days that he has been gone but I really miss my studmuffin. I never realize until he's gone how important he is to my well-being. When he is not here, I kind of feel like something is missing but I can't put my finger on it.
Anyway, I'm working hard to save up the $ for land and I think it will happen before the end of the year! I have already started looking and pricing and got my dad on the prowl. He is good at finding shit.
I spent all day Saturday with my parents and it was great! I love em so much.
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| Hi! Tis me. |
[15 Feb 2007|05:47pm] |
I have been working for the past 2 weeks at a normal full time office job :) I like it okay, it is accounting type work. Kinda ironic, I have an English degree and am working with numbers. It is nothing hard, just really tedious and detail-oriented. It is not permanent either, only for a few months there and then I will move onto another office. This way I can get varying experiences which should help my empty looking resume.
So that is what I have been up to lately. I don't have a lot of spare time to write or work on my site. But I am still going to California for a photoshoot bash in a couple weeks. I'll be able to stock up on photos and get to party a little bit too.
I am doing my taxes this weekend, hooray! I'm just hoping I won't have to pay in more than I have in savings.
Valentines day was nice, John sent me a dozen white roses in a gorgeous huge arrangement with lots of other plants. Everyone in the office stops by to look at and smell them, hehe.
Now that I have two jobs, I can start saving up seriously for some land. Maybe even buy some by the end of this year. I plan on getting a small trailer to live in while we save up to build our dream home on the same land. That is what my parents did when we were building our house, and it is good, to be there watching your house being built, plus you can watch over things easily. I guess these are the goals that are driving me from day to day, I really want my own beautiful home.
Things were a bit scary for a while there in my marriage but things have worked out fine. I love him very much and could not bring myself to leave when he is so good to me. Financially, I don't like his situation at all. But I realize that he is trying to make it better at least. And it doesnt affect me that much. We keep all our stuff seperate.
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| Borrrring me |
[30 Jan 2007|03:32pm] |
I went to Houston Friday and stayed the night at a cool hotel...I pretended I was rich for a day ^_^ I visited with Chris my old buddy and ex-roomie. It was nice to see him again, I forgot what a sweetie he is. My main purpose for going was just a little get-away from the bore of Lufkin and also to do a few photoshoots. I wanted to do about 5-6 but it always goes so slow when I am doing them by myself, so I only did 3. Probably wasn't worth the $$ I spent on the room but oh well, it was more for me than for my biz.
This coming weekend I want to do something with my parents because I haven't spent much time with them lately. Especially my dad, I never see him and I really miss him. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can go thrift store hopping and flea-marketing. That's kind of our family thing to do together.
I've made no further headway on a job so nothing to report there. I haven't applied anywhere except a personnel place and I set the minimum hourly wage high so they haven't found anything for me. My ideal job is the position at the pd office but the lady is STILL there...*le sigh* I think I might just do online entertainment until she leaves. That way I don't go find a job, then have to quit 2 weeks later if she leaves.
Finally got my diploma in the mail...it is nice to finally have it in my hands. And that CUM LAUDE sure looks great on there as well. :) John jokes with me that it should say something else...LOL I'm sure you can figure that out.
I have been working out for the past 2 1/2 weeks and I am noticing my body is a little more toned already. It is great! The biggest difference is in my butt and legs but my stomach looks less pudgy too. I do strength training and cardio 5x a week. I'm being really hardcore about it and it's paying off. I want to look good in case I get any modeling jobs plus I have two photo parties coming up. I also started another acne treatment regimine, this one is called murad something or other, I like it better than proactiv and it seems to be getting me clearer.
I really am considering selling off my PI accounts and money and stuff. I don't play there at all.
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| Life |
[23 Jan 2007|01:45am] |
John's mother passed away last night. I wish I had known her before she was sick. All I can say is that she must have been an amazing woman because she has a wonderful son. I am very grateful for that.
I sent an application to a personnel place but that is kind of just a back-up if I don't get the city job. Which I really want badly because it pays well (and I'd be across the hall from my honey!)
The only problem with getting a regular day job is that I just recently got accepted by a major talent agency, which is a BIG deal because it could lead to some amazing opportunities. And of course, I cannot have two full time jobs at the same time. Right now I'm just putting my eggs into several baskets so that I am sure to end up with something. I really would love the chance to travel and do some modeling or whatever they find for me, so honestly I think that is going to be my first choice.
John is not happy that I may end up traveling a lot and we would have less time together than if I were to work for the city. I don't think he understands how much I truly love him. If only he knew how I really felt maybe he wouldn't be so upset about me trying to explore this opportunity. I just...want to get out there and do something for ME. I think it is hard for him to understand what it is like to be a free spirited person in their 20's because he is so different from me in that way. He is settled, dislikes change, etc. When I told him the news about getting accepted he got mad. Instead of supporting me...he went bizerk. I am still way hurt about it because I just wanted him to be excited and supportive. He keeps thinking I am going to leave him. I wish he would quit saying that.
I just feel like I have my 30's, 40's, and 50's for working in an office. I won't waste this opportunity. As much as I love him, it would be worse to live the rest of my life with regret. I suppose if he truly loves me he will support whatever I decide.
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| Unpleasant |
[21 Jan 2007|08:52pm] |
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I feel unpleasant, so this shall be an unpleasant entry.
First, I want to rant about politics because it's the unpleasant thing to do. This Obama dude is like...I don't know, I don't like him. I think he's all hyped up to be something he's not. Plus his name sounds like Osama, c'mon people, that has to be a sign! I wish Gore would throw his hat in but that's not going to happen, he's already said FUCK THAT SHIT many times and I don't really blame him.
Now on a more serious note, my mother-in-law is dying (John's mother). It is very sad, but she has been so ill for so long that I think it might be a relief for her to stop having to struggle. It will probably happen in the next day or two.
My grandmother (dad's mom) has cancer in her throat and they are treating her with chemo, but she was allergic to something in the chemo...so I don't know what is going on now. She should pull through okay though.
I actually have good news too but don't want to ruin the mood so I'll write again later.
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morningmist83's journal
